When discussing how women can continue to be successful when pursuing their leadership careers, one topic that must be addressed is that of balance.
But balance is no longer a question of balancing work with home and family, although that still continues to be a labyrinth we face. Rather the question of balance that I posit is that we must balance competence and caring. But what does that mean?
In my book The Ruby Report; How Organizations Can Profit by Promoting Women Leaders, I talk about the double bind that women face and how the new balancing act can help us figure out how to address it. Today I encourage you to think about how can you be both competent and caring and walk in your power as you were meant to do.
The movie Hidden Figures tells the story of Katherine Johnson (Taraji Henson), a brilliant mathematician working for NASA. If you haven’t seen the movie (spoiler alert) then it is absolutely one you must watch if you want a great lesson in leadership. As you watch, certainly notice how Katherine navigates the wonderful opportunity she embraces. But be sure to pay attention to the other two women who also show us a great example of walking softly and carrying a big stick.
There is no doubt that in addition to Katherine, Dorothy Vaughan (Octavia Spencer) and Mary Jackson (Janelle Monae) are examples of how this balance dynamic might play out in real life.
For Dorothy, not being officially promoted to Supervisor, the job she was already doing, is something that many women have faced in their careers. But notice how Dorothy doesn’t make a fuss or stomp her feet or give up and ultimately earns that promotion she deserved. Notice how when the new IBM computer arrives to potentially make Dorothy and her team obsolete they embrace the machine and learn to use it and help make it work.
Mary Jackson, on the other hand, has a different fight on her hands. In her quest to become an engineer Mary needed to take some graduate-level courses that were offered at an all-white high school. Mary successfully petitioned to be allowed to attend the classes and she became NASA’s first black female engineer. Pay particular attention in the movie to how she argues her case.
As for Katherine Johnson, anyone who has seen the movie remembers the scene where she runs between buildings in the rain to go to the bathroom where she was required to go as a coloured woman. But it isn’t until her boss, Al Harrison (Kevin Costner), makes a decision that significantly reduces her commute when he smashes down the sign, declaring there are “just bathrooms.”
Let’s bring Hollywood home. The balance between caring and competence plays out when we walk softly and carry a big stick. Several years back I presented a workshop to a group of women where I shared what I meant by these two ideas.
Respect. Power. Competence. Trust. Communication.
You must be good at what you do if you want to earn respect and the right to lead. Sure, we can argue that there are many people in positions currently who don’t have the competence and you’re right, they don’t deserve to be there. But that’s a topic for another day.
In The Ruby Report, I talk about Drivers, Facilitators and Enablers. High performance is one of the Enablers that drive promotions for women leaders. To be seen as being a top performer you actually have to be a top performer. We can also whine about men being promoted for potential and women being promoted for performance. It’s not fair, it’s just fact. But that too, is a topic for another day.
Being talented earns you respect and power. How you wield that power will have a lot to say about you as a leader. Harken back to the women in Hidden Figures. You might think that they have no power, and yet each of the three makes a significant impact by wielding their power in a particular way.
Trust is today's leadership currency. Strong leaders, particularly strong women leaders, know how to earn the trust of others, but they also give trust. Can you trust too much? Well, let’s be prudent, but I love the words of John Wooden, UCLA basketball coach, who said, “I’d rather trust and be disappointed once in a while, than to distrust and be miserable all the time.”
Finally, walking softly and carrying a big stick requires you to be an excellent communicator. It’s not about male and female styles of communication, it’s about executive presence and leadership styles of communication. When you speak, how do you come across? Do you know? Who do you trust to tell you the truth? I do a lot of work with executives using a personality profiling tool called Meyers-Briggs. This tool helps people not only understand what makes people tick, but it works miracles in helping people understand how they come across to others. If ever there was truth in the saying “perception is reality” it’s when we are communicating with others.
When it comes to improving communication skills, I strongly recommend that every leader, women especially, join Toastmasters. Toastmasters is a non-profit international educational organization that teaches communication and leadership through the vehicle of public speaking. Cost is minimal and value is immeasurable. Find a club near you and visit as a guest to see if this can help you achieve your communication goals.
When it comes to walking softly and carrying a big stick, remember:
- balancing competence and caring helps us navigate the double bind women face
- trust is the new leadership currency and you must both earn it and invest it
- communication is critical and can open doors or slam them shut
What steps will you take next? Give me a call if you'd like some help figuring it out.
